Can we just remove the bushes?

I found that some people just like to play the “beating around the bush” game. They find a pleasure if they are in the zone of this game. I just don’t understand what is so good about this game? Does anyone?

Why give people the impression that you show interest, entertaining the person, giving positive vibes and in the end, it goes nowhere. Is it better to do this than to say out directly in the face of the people what you really feel and say that it might not work out? Do you think that doing the best by not telling will be a better way to smoothen out the person’s pursue that the person will in the end will just forget about it or maybe get tired of waiting? I say to those people who does this, you are so wrong. Do you know that by doing so, you’d actually cause people more pain?

Why waste each others time? Don’t like it, speak out, and get on with your life and let the other get on with theirs. Letting people figure out it later is not the way. Giving false hope to people for the reason you are using them for your own pleasure and convenience is so lame.

Those are being pursued always think that they have this little special “power” to lure them in their game, but do note that “What goes around, comes around”. Those who think that it will not happen to them because they are in the zone, time will tell. It will hit you when you least expect it, and then, lets see how you feel being the person played out rather than the player. “Nuff said.

Scars

When a couple ended the relationship, there are two different type of behavior that you would see in these two individuals. One would be so glad that the relationship has ended while the other just couldn’t believe that the relationship they had has ended.

One will crave to have the relationship back. The other craves to look for another one better or maybe want to be single for the time being.

The concern would not be the one who would be happy for the reason that the relationship has ended as their mind would have the least pain, maybe a little reminiscence of what they have cherished, and the rest of the memories, one less big headache to think or to care about.

The concern, would be the one that just lost its partner, just couldn’t bear with the loss. The searing knife through the heart would best describe how this person would be feeling. Though it will heal, the scar would still remain. Not unless there is a scar remover is there to save the day, the healing would be only be part and not fully to the person.

As for the scar remover, this would only appear if the person who is feeling the pain to stop comparing whatever he/she had before with the one they have right now. If the person is way better than the previous, I would say that this sort of scar remover works very well. But if the scar remover is not that great, the pain is still there. It wouldn’t help; hence the best way is to tell the one who is hurting that there is no point in comparing. Enough of thinking back, thinking that they were in wrong, but to think that every experience is just part of the life; it is part of the learning curve of understanding what relationship is all about. There is no such thing as a bed of roses. There is no such thing as happily ever after. In every relationship, there are always ups and downs.

In reality, even the well educated in the world would face some problems in their relationship. So why blame on own self that we are the reason that the other does not want us. Why not think about, of they don’t want us, it’s their lost. They don’t even know what they have lost.

Some people may find a perfect match, those are lucky, some might not, and they have to try few keys in order to find the correct key to the door. Some people complain that things are not going their way. It is because they think that they are the problem, the next person standing in front of them somehow is invisible. They might even loose sight of what they longed to have but since people try hard to become visible in front of them would give up and perhaps try to knock on some other people’s door. Chance given and not taken will loose up even more as they are not open enough to accept.

Should the scar heal, removed or remains depends solely on how open one self is towards their perspective and beliefs of relationship.

Keeping up with the Joneses

I wonder if you have encountered this before, but the fact that I’ve been with some or more or less the different type classes of people, I can safely say that it is not easy to live up to some other’s people lifestyle.

I’d like to bring in an example of a bunch of guys who enjoys the finest things in life, coffees, dining; shopping should at least be in the standards of first upper to upper class price range. Any expenditure that goes lower that the price range, well not that they don’t go for the lesser, but the fact is that they only do it once in a blue moon, and that it considered lucky if you are able to find a specific time that they actually go for the simpler things.

Question is, if they spend as much as they could afford, and the others can’t, does that mean that they would only accept people of that stature and nothing less. Does that mean that any people who earns lesser than the others, or does not have the liberty to spend as unreservedly due to heavy commitments would deemed unworthy to join the group? Does it ever occur to the people who spend as much as they could ever think of the others who can’t afford? Does this means that the acceptance level of a friend, a buddy, a groupie has to be set to that?

I simply do not understand that in order to be with this bunch of people, you simply have to spend like they do. Is this the new requirement that needs to be set in order to join the band wagon?

Requirement Officer: Places to go for coffee?
A: Erm, mamak stall
B: Starbucks of course
Requirement Officer: Places to go for dinner?
A: Mamak of course, simple and cheap
B: Sheesh, somewhere posh I would say, perhaps dinner in Pavilion?
Requirement Officer: Well, Mr. A, I am sorry that you do not qualify to join the group as your requirement for the simple things in life does not fulfill our standards, but Mr. B, we welcome you with open arms!

If we are unable to join them, does it also mean that we are not worthy to be a friend to them or to even to be deserved to be called a decent human being? Are we all deemed as low life Homo sapiens that are not good enough for them? Why?

The value of oneself in an organization

Many things have happened these few days, and apparently, some for the good and some bad. As of September 2008, the rambler has once again left the organization and has landed in another. One year in the old organization has made this rambler missed certain things of the organization, and also happy for the fact that the rambler can officially say, “Good riddance to bad rubbish!”

The good and the bad of jumping to a new organization,

1) We have to built up our seniority in the organization again

2) Getting used to the new organization’s culture

3) Learning new things (that is if you are joining a different industry). This is a hard one as one has to learn to really get to know stuffs which might and might not be our cup of tea, but for the sake of money, we do it anyway, we have to bite the bullet.

4) Perhaps, this is just a perhaps, to climb up the new organization’s corporate ladder from the bottom up.

Some people will say, “Hey, its good for you, new exposure, better expansion of your skills, your resume’s gonna look good!” Come to think of it, it is easier said than done. The other people are only able to say, but it is us that we have to really go through the obstacles that are presented to us.

Again, there is never a greener pasture in wherever we go, well a little bit of green patch here and there. But the rest, it is like “Holy shit! I have to do this?” It is so true that when the organization hires you, it is not for the reason of expanding, but mostly is because their human capital in the particular department has been depleted, and we are going in to fill in the blanks.

What is more saddening is that there is always an ulterior motive of why we are hired for the organization. It is not the value of our skills that we have been hired, but for the fact that we can actually give information of what you have in your previous company and being used in the new. Now, is this what we call value? Are we really being appreciated to enter the new organization for the fact that our skills carry some credentials, or for the fact that we have some information, that they would like to take from us?

It is suppose to be a win-win situation, but till now, after a week in the organization, I see that the main reasons for hiring is more of the organization’s winning side, and as for me, nothing much to look forward to.

How is it that an organization is to compete is to look at how much they can pinch from the other organization, and use you to the fullest, and perhaps, just perhaps that we are being awarded for leaking previous organization’s information to the new.

To survive in the new organization, is to use what we have from the old, and place it to the new, hence, a porting of information or secrets.

In the end, are we branded a spy?

The Hi-Lo of a Job/Comany

Coming to a year, in a job which I hope will last me a couple of years before I climb higher ended up in shambles when things began to become a little shaky. It has come to a point where situation arise, do I work for the money which also means that I have to suffer all the pain and torture from the company? Or do I work for the enjoyment of working (which of course, money counts).

Regardless of how hectic the work is, but if we do enjoy the job, we would likely to stay on with the company. But if the work is hectic, but do not even enjoy the job; it automatically makes us sick to the bone. That would means that we are hoping to get out of the situation, hence, looking for another job.

Here are two situations:

If the company is good with its benefits and pay, but hires you for the wrong job, would you consider staying?

If the company is not really good with its benefits and pay, hires you for the right job, would you consider staying?

I believe that some people come across these two situations above. But do we get a chance to get to have the best of both situations above, good with its benefits and pay, with you liking the job?

Sometimes when we are hired, we may just be filler to a job but you are not good at the work, you would automatically prove to the people that you are not efficient or effective. Would this leave a scar in our records to HR when the dreaded yearly performance evaluation is done?

Though some people might say, because of the good benefits and pay, we should strive on to work in the organization, but at the expense of having heart palpitations every time when we are in the office. The joy of feeling happy was automatically sucked away leaving you drained and tired. It takes a lot to build up one person’s confidence and emotions to be very happy, but it only takes one sweep by the company, we fall flat.

Does the company actually know what it means by hiring the people for the right job? Or they are just building the human capital in the organization, just to ensure that someone is there to do the work. But when faults or problems arise, we are the ones that are being punished.

Somehow, the way we look at the company, is the way we look at our superiors. It is our superiors that represent the company and we would automatically see the company through our superiors. Though the company might be good in any sense, we are forced to leave just because we are being penalized by our superiors and the fact they do not see that they made the wrong move in the beginning. Hence, we see the company as a bad place to be.

"Hire the right person for the job and not just hire for the sake of hiring."

Nuff said

The Change of the Blog name....

Of late, I have never kept up with the title, hence I decided to change, from the constant to a not-so constant ramblings. As work is one of the main key factor that is making me not think for what I should be writing, I rather change it to not-so. But I will try to keep up to the writings that some of my friends who visited and waited for something to be written.

The shortest topic of this blog. But will tend to have something after this topic. I should be having something to write during my compulsory '5 days' block leave.

Till then...another coming up soon...this week, I hope. :P

The Way We Are

We are governed by the surroundings or the environment to become what we are now. I believe it so as I am being brought up in a country that doesn't really like to voice out opinions in the public, but the raging voice inside our hearts keeps on burning. I find this kind of unhealthy, as it stresses our hearts and maybe our minds when we keep on harping on the same issues, but never once been voiced out but just within ourselves.

When I am encountered with different people, I tend to see different types of behavior or attitudes. But I will just generalize it to two groups, the timid mouse and the roaring tiger.

You may agree with me that, if we are brought up in this motherland, we are never the ones to really stand up on our own two feet, be thick skin about it and just blast out our opinions. We rather keep it to ourselves and grumble for all we want. Come to think of it, if you just grumble to yourself, how are others going to know what you feel, what your opinion is on certain topics? It could be that our opinions or comments might be really useful. But we keep saying to ourselves, "Someone or someday, they will have the solution, but right now, I'll live through it, even I don't like it." This is of course, the timid mouse.

The other speaks aloud, making sure they have their point being heard. This is the exact opposite of what the timid mouse would be like; hence this group is called the roaring tiger. These are the people who are either studied abroad in the western countries or maybe been sent over by their company or maybe decided to try the world outside the motherland and expose themselves. These people will be influenced, or some how learn to be vocal. The exposure of the other country’s facts of life, the culture will inject in the people and in a way be assimilated. It is like a total makeover of a person, who used to be the timid as a mouse, would automatically change to the roaring tiger once they were exposed to the other country’s environment.

Question… Will there be enough people that have been exposed overseas, coming back to the motherland, to be able to influence the timid mouse to be as vocal and slowly changing them to become a roaring tiger? Or should the culture and the environment of this motherland to be changed to accept the voice of the people rather than to assume that without any objection would automatically means consent?

The mind and the heart

I have many in my mind
I know nothing to define
Of what has to be first
Or second to come after

A blurry state of mind
And yet nothing comes in sight
I wonder why this happens
When there are paths to clear

I seek to find an answer
That dwells inside my mind
And yet the heart goes wander
That mixes my mind to decide

The logic of the mind
The feeling of the heart
To make a decision is hard
When two does not consent

I seek to boldly move
Yet fear is in the way
The mind is strong to go
The heart is weak to follow

I am in the rut
I feel I am so stuck
It feels so easy to others
And yet I can’t make it through

Should I make the move?
To go for the uncertainty
A challenge behold
Is yet for me to see

Can the non-norms be in the ordinary world?

There are some people that like to do things that is only to the satisfactory of the public, but is it necessarily important when the things we do must really have other people's consent of even their approval.

I've come across a person, who is going to "consummate" or in any other words, giving up his total freedom and to just get himself locked to a room and throw away the key.

If you understand the metaphor above, I guess you know what I mean. To be accepted totally by the public in the world is so important in some different "classes" of people that I wonder, who set up this rule and why must it be a so called "GOLDEN RULE". Can it not be just an extraordinary from the group of norms?

To those who still don't know what I mean on the above, here's the reason to the above. A person finding a way out, a breather who goes into the so called "marriage", totally lies to the other (for saving his own butt), trying to tell himself, that he is, one of the norms. But knowingly, deep down inside this person, he has the quality to become a norm (by pretending), in the event trying so hard and just making it a normal life.

Though I may not agree to the actions the person has done, but I sort of pity this sort of a person for doing this to just have the approval of many, especially in the eyes of the public.

How can this be and how long does it take? When should the ordinary be able to accept the extraordinary?

Out with the old, in with the new??

Many of the times, when we see an item that we really like, we would find ways to have it. We would think about it, talk about it if ever there is a chance to other people about the item we fancy. In due time, after the long craving for it, it finally reaches to our hands.

We would care for the item, making sure that it is protected from harm, feels hurt when it actually it gets a little scratched, blaming ourselves for such carelessness, or even get mad with the people around us if they ever damage a little on the item.

As time goes, we care lesser on the item than we cared for during the earlier stages when the item was quite new. The concern or care of the item grows lesser. Not even bothered if it is dropped on the floor. By this time, the thought would be, “Well, if its broken, will get a new one.” It is true that the fact our interest of an item would not last, but will look for something new when one is bored over the old item.

So if we reflect the above analogy towards a couple, one chasing the other, making sure that one gets the other no matter what, love sparkles, full of passion and intense romance but in time when both are bored with each other, sparks fade, passion which drives both of them dissipates, and when there is nothing that binds them together, it breaks.

Like an item, how can we keep on using it and not get bored with it, which reflects on one person, how do we keep the love alive when things begin to get too routine, and then, there is nothing new for them. They talk lesser; see each other lesser, or even not doing things together.

Is it true that, by human nature, that we are always looking for something new, and hence keep changing partners? What would be the winning formula that we should be using to make the spark going on? Should trying something new all the time would work, but in the end, there is not going to be lots of things to try if we have exhausted all options of trying things new.

Would it be inevitable that we face the consequences of losing the other because there is nothing new in the relationship?

Glory, who's should it be?

The constant rambler seems to have not live up to the expectations of the blog’s name. Hence, this year, the constant rambler has to try to achieve and live up to the name, to be the ‘constant rambler’ rather than the ‘not so constant rambler’.

Today’s topic reflects on the event that I was part of it. And know this, though their position or rank supersedes my rank, they are no better and I wonder why they can’t be just be open, but rather, thinks that they are so right.

The event was first in the company, and no one knows how things should run or what needs to be done. Hence, topic should be open to everyone to table it out. But to some people, they weren’t the so-called helpful ones. Their presence for meetings were never here, but when the event is nearing to the actual day, they appear with enthusiasm and start giving opinions on what should be done and what should not be done. When this thing happens, changes were made, and last minute changes were never a good thing. The question to this is, why make such a fuss of things when they weren’t even involved in the beginning.

And yet, they look so concern in front of everyone, making stern decisions that they not know about, and showing that their presence are felt during the day of the event. It goes to show that these people are there to assure that the big boss really sees that they are involved, but as a matter of fact, they are not but only to the very last minute.

Being a person who knows the knick and knacks of things, even opinions are given are shot down by people who has not even experience this sort of event. They are proud of themselves of what they hold as their position, but did not realize, that the position they hold does not mean they know every single thing. The course of any event is gone through experiences and if such experiences are not gained, be humble to accept people’s advice or opinion and work on that platform.

And again, because of their relentless effort on that day, they say to themselves, what a day, in front of other people, where we know that they were there just for the day and we ourselves have been doing things and working on stuffs since day one.

Painstakingly, we have to accept this, as we are in no position to question them on their whereabouts or even on what did they actually do, as the position we hold is not as high as they are. To those who just point fingers and do the job, you are not really learning, but just riding on other’s effort to make your own glory. Glory that I find it not worth giving to such people.

Does qualification really matter?

We often like to hire people with the proper qualification. That’s the rule in the business world. But then again, what’s the point of having a PhD, know so much about the area he/she studied, but in the end, doesn’t really know how to interact with people?

This is another extension to my previous blog stating that a person should have certain characteristics. So what if you have such great qualification and you just don’t know how to deal with people. So what?

What if the person is good enough to do the work, but just doesn’t have the qualification? Does he/she get better pay? In reality, in the so-called Human Resources eye, they look at the qualification, and from their judgment the salary range before looking at any other aspects. I may be wrong, but so far, none has proved me otherwise.

Lets look at the reason why such organization hire people with a Bachelors, Masters or a PhD. The reason why they hire, is because they know that this people understand the area of specialty and would assist the organization. Second, with a paper qualification means to say that they have discipline. This looks at the Time Management (on time to class, on time in handing up assignment, etc.), Stress Management (able to handle many assignments/projects without going bonkers) and Character (his personality on how he/she handles himself/herself in the vicinity of the University/College, socializing and stuffs).

But that doesn’t mean those who can’t even afford to study unable to make it to the top. The chances for these people to make it, is lesser, as talent is not really looked into, but it is always the paper qualification first. Should this come in mind, are we really neglecting people who actually have the ability and even the skill for the job?

Beauty of the Company

How good can one company, though through the eyes of the public, its image was never in doubt. Their services and their products seem to be on the competitive edge, beating others in the market. But, deep down in the organization, what you can’t see apart from the exterior of the organization, the workings of the organization might not be what it seems.

People from the outside might say, “This company is very good”, “A classy organization”, “Wow, you work in that organization?” Words that expresses of astonishment, surprise or even disbelief that we actually land ourselves there. But truth to be told, that all organization, no matter how great they are to the public eyes, has its dark side.

This dark side can come from many aspects, it could be from the people on top, or it could be from the people below. Or it could be from both parties that makes the place a living hell.

The making of an organization is not about what the organization produces, which is in terms of their products or services, but the people inside this organization. There is such that an organization is made of many departments, which the managers running the department might be very good with their subordinates, hence a powerful and strong work force, but there is also some departments that the managers suck at handling people, practically a Tai-Chi master. I’ve mentioned this during my past blog on Tai-Chi masters.

But, there is some, though the managers are good, their staffs are just a bad lot. There is a possibility that this might happen, though some reading this might not agree, but there is such cases that happens.

So, what governs a good organization? Nothing… as good as one organization, it really depends on the chemistry of the people that work. How good is the group cohesion. As each individual is different from each other, therefore, some might be good in their attitude to work and fellow colleagues, while some others think for themselves.

Hence, the representation of an organization is as far to the surface of the organization, and not even seen the real contents. To some, they like their jobs, as the leaders might have led well, while some, are not sure what they are really doing. They are just lacking on the “people person” component.

Now these people who lacks this have hard time getting people to help them do the work. Worst still, will be left alone much without even considered to join in the group. They are really sad, and a little pathetic. But hey, they can change, if they want to. But if they don’t change because they think that they can order people around, as they are being a manager/leader/staff, they will continue to not progress. People change, so does how to handle people. The old ways need to change, making way for new things to come in.

Walk on by...

Try looking at the bright side of things, though it needs a little more pushing. Sometimes when we are being faced with choices, even though the choices can lead to a better path, might not necessarily means it is an easy as walking through the park.

The park needs to be cleared of weeds and infestations. In the end, it will give us a satisfaction, in a way at the end of the road a bright new day, but then, is it the real path that we are supposes to take.

Choices, that we have made, and chosen that particular path, somehow in the middle of clearing the path, we found out why the path was not cleared in the first place. Perhaps it is because there is a hidden trap beneath all the hidden weeds, or perhaps we are not strong enough to clear them. But we are half way through them. What shall be done? Go back? Can we?

If we go on forward, does it make is really want to see the end of the road that brings light? Or just the fact that since we have taken the path, we should just walk on and not bothered whether it fulfills our needs.

Hence, the path we choose when it is wrong, we face severe consequences out of the rewards that we gain, but at the expense of being happy.

So here we hope that by clearing the path, there is a crossroad that perhaps would be easier to walk, but then again, it won’t be that easy to find as it takes time.

Mistakes are made sometimes when choosing the wrong path, again we try to walk on and see if we can find another route.

Walking on a bumpy road

“Go for it! Don’t wait! Don’t sit there and do nothing! Seek for the thing you want.”

These are the words some of the people told me when they finished reading my blog. To set the record straight, I am. I am not waiting, nor that I am just desperately looking. It is just the pace that some of us take to go looking for something that we want.

There are some issues that I would like to acknowledge to the very few people who are concerned about my negative blogs. I agree that I write sometimes, the saddest, and in a way asking people for some pettiness, but I only write when I feel frustrated, sad or maybe bewildered by some events. It is seldom that I do write something of the category of “Happy Thoughts”. As a matter of fact, I don’t even write to tell people that I am happy. They can see me if I am happy but never in this blog. Perhaps it is this reason that most of the time that people think that I am a sad, negative and a pessimistic man.

Let’s shed some light on this topic. First of all, it is not that we are not looking for love or happiness, we are, but should we be desperately looking? It is just that when we find it, does it guarantee that it will work out fine? Answer, NO! There is no such guarantee that when we look for a person, that the love and happiness is returned when we are giving. It is a trial and error. The sad thing is that when we try and try, and it fails, it gets very frustrating that we just don’t want to go looking, but just let it come by itself. If it happens, let it happen, if it does not, are we going to curse? Who should we blame? There is no one to blame, so life goes on.

And even if we are desperately seeking, aggressively going after the other person, what do you think the other person would feel? “This person is psycho” might crop up in their mind. Let’s reverse the role, should the person desperately and aggressively goes after us, do we not feel that the person is a little cuckoo and you would wish this person just get out of your life?

The right to have the love and happiness is not only from ours, but it is also gained from the other person. If we don’t have that, we walk on alone. We are not the one who has the say in everything, but has to be a 2-way communication. We don’t have the right to tell what the person should do, nor should the other to tell us what we should do. We have the right to choose, so does the other party.

Yes, the road sometimes can be bumpy and dark; sometimes the road is easy to walk like a cool sunny day. And hence, some might feel the journey that I walk, the question is… “How long are we going to enjoy the cool sunny day?” An answer to this, no one knows. We have ups and downs. So perhaps these few months, my road was rather bumpy, and yet, I still walk on.

Journey...

We grow among the others
We grow to see others paired
We grow to have no one bothers
We grow to be more despaired

To seek the other’s approval
To seek the other’s love
We are asked for approval
We are asked for love

What we seek in others
The others seeks in us
Though some make it through
Some has yet to establish

We often question why
We wept and sigh
We look at the sky
We hope that light draws nigh

The turbulence of a journey
Has yet to settle in the sea
We seek to bury bad memories
Several we seek is in the sea

Many of times we try
Yet some we have failed
Hurt may come and we cry
Remain on while we are battered

The journey is always there
Either face it with misery
Or face it with care
It is ours to choose if we fancy

The cycle that rotates
The experiences we gain
Good and bad we possess
Hope we won’t fall hard again

Hurt will always be there
And sometimes we are in despair
Hurt is what we have to bare
Ensure our heart will be repaired

Envious eyes we can never have
As our time is yet to come
When we are in their place
Experience they have will be the same

Groupies

Do we fall into groupies? Though we might say we are not, but I guess most of the time, unknowingly, we group ourselves with the people we think are of that stature.

Imagine when you are a newbie, try to join a new group, you might get a little resistance, perhaps someone will block your way, if you need to join this group, you need to fulfill certain criteria. We try hard to blend in, but the group might have a secret conference to deliberate as to whether the group council will allow a newbie to join or not.

It sounds like those in the movies where there is a council for the towns people before deciding to accept based on the majority or you must pass the initiation test.

No doubt about it, we can't just easily blend in, sometimes we have to work so hard to make sure we can actually get into the group. Question, what happens if you succeeded? What's next? You get a medal? Jump for joy? Do you say, "Hey, I managed to join THE group!" What is it more than that?

And if you have become one of the member of the group, and should there be a newbie in the future, would you treat the person the same way you gone through?

Can't a simple hello and welcome is good enough no matter what or who you are? Can't we be that open? Even for myself, it is a little hard. How should we look at this? Ponder...

Love thy Friend or Love thy Loved One?

A: Hey, I met this person, charming. I think I might be going steady with him.
B: Oh, who is he?
A: Well, met him from the club, he’s tall, in his 30s, tanned.
B: Hmm, interesting. What does he do?
A: Oh, he works in the Bank; he’s a manager for the Customer Service Department.
B: By any chance his name is Joe? He happens to stay around PJ?
A: Yeah, that’s him. Wait a minute, how did you know him.
B: Ermm… well… I sort of met him 2 months ago. We had some occasional “fun”.
A: But he says that he is doesn’t delve in this sort of activity.
B: Apparently you’re wrong.

Based on this scenario, the thought of A finding the ONE love, smashed by B’s revelation on how this person Joe turn out to be.

So the question is if you were to be A …

1. Do you listen with an open heart and just smile, and thinking that, whatever Joe has done in the past has nothing got to do with me.

OR

2. Do you confront and question Joe of his ‘extra-curricular’ activity? And if so, you would dump Joe.

OR

3. Forget and not even want to let Joe know that you knew his past and never to call him again.

So, do we thank B for letting you know this news, or do we hate B for spoiling your dreams and thinking that maybe B has an ulterior motive? Above all, do we believe our friend or let love blinds you that you just want to have that person in your life and forget whatever that surrounds you. Your friends and family don’t matter, only this person you love. I guess most people who were in the relationship would understand what I mean, love is the utmost importance than anything else, even your career.

Instead of thanking the person who gave you the low down on what has happen, you hated the person so much, telling the person off and saying, “Why are you destroying something that I have?” We never let reality come in play; cause living in a love fantasy is so much better than have reality slap at your face.

Let’s face it; true friends are always there, friends are yet more important than just having the love of your life. The love of you life is just another BONUS to your life. If you can’t get this BONUS, you still need to move on.

How do we know what people want?

Do we really hear other people's thoughts? Does our action, even though it is sincere, but will be perceived as something different?

How could we gauge other people when they just keep to a minimal of small talk but does not express more or even communicate properly so that we know what we can do, or at least show us the way?

It is very frustrating when we tend to be friendly to the other, a simple rub on the hand, or maybe an arm around the shoulder of the other, would be perceived as being too sticky? If the other just keeps to himself/herself without saying anything. At the end of the day, when both say their goodbyes, the other would be saying in their mind "No way am I going to see him/her again." Perhaps later, telling it to their friends that it was the worst date that they have ever had.

It is true that we have to understand body language, but if the other party is not even showing their sign, how are we to know? And the most frustrating part, in the 6° of Separation, if you believe this theory, you might have the possibility to meet up with the friend of your encounter, and tells you how they felt when they were on a date with you.

To sum it up, come up front and say it and then all goes well, to a certain extent, ends well, though some ended up in a little heated up argument when you tell the truth, its better than keeping quiet or giving lame excuses.

What should we do...

What should we do when someone walks out of your life, telling you that they are not prepared to start a relationship with you?

Feel like someone just trying to crush your heart? Feeling like the heart is somehow getting harder to beat. As we try to get rid of the invisible hand that hold around our heart, making the heart to beat again as it used to, we heal and in time forget that this thing has happened, hence life goes on.

Years later, the person comes back and tells you sorry and would like to get back as friends, and not lovers. We would hate this person, but then again, the humbleness of the person to ask forgiveness, we forgive and forget.

But as the time to meet as friends, the feelings come back. The reason for loving the person, the way it should be but we didn’t get to experience it. And in one particular period of time when the two meets, the person asked for hugs, we comply, the touch, the warmness of the person makes your heart beat even faster.

The following of a kiss, a deep kiss and continuous closeness of each other makes it so perfect. But bearing in mind, the statement that the person made, “We are just friends, OK?” We don’t know what to do, but continue to embrace each other and kiss again and again.

What should we do, what should we continue to feel, is this normal after the incident that has made the heart beat so fast. The mind says, “Keep your distance”, but the heart says “Don’t let it go”.

It sounds that someone is playing with us again. But then again, why is this coming back to haunt us though the person has walked out of our life? Why should we feel the pain in the heart, the confusion in the mind about this matter? Shouldn’t the first experience tell us something?

It has… it has taught us something, to think logically and cautiously, but the heart… the heart doesn’t want us to think logically, doesn’t want to be cautious, but to grasp what we have missed before and to feel again that what it has been yearning for.

It is one sided love that the other does not think of us and once again, the feeling of being crushed in the heart comes back. Is there a need to forget this person who has come forward to ask for your friendship? But should friendship be with embraces and kisses? Should this be more than just friendship?

Confused… troubled…distraught… sadness…